In Paul Kuchar's honor of
being an Engineer, we will attach the following dissertation on the
The following is an actual
question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The
answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with
colleagues via the Internet, which is of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well....
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
(Most of the students wrote
proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
( gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some
One student, however, wrote
First, we need to know how the
mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls
are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we
can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering
Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of
these religions, and since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With both and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
Now we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for
the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell
has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
If Hell is expanding at a
slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the
temperature and the pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
Of course, if Hell is
expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate
given to me by Ms Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, that "...it will
be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the
fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her,
then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
will not freeze.
The student received the only
FOR MUSIC LOVERS and BASEBALL FANS
The symphony orchestra was
performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there is a long passage, about
20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.
Rather than sit around that
whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go
to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several
beers in quick succession, one of them looked t his watch and said, "Hey,
We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a
fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time. So I
tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string.
It will take him a few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later they
staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra.
About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a
bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her
companion. "don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the
score is tied and the bassists are loaded."
Osama Bin Laden phoned
President George W Bush. "I had a dream about the United States," he
said. "I could see the whole country, and over every building and
home was a banner." said Bin Laden.
"what was on the banner?"
asked Mr. Bush
"LONG LIVE OSAMA!" answered
"I am so glad you called,"
said President Bush, "because I too had a dream. In my dream, I saw
Afghanistan and it was more beautiful than ever; totally rebuilt
with many tall, gleaming office buildings, large residential subdivisions
with swimming pools full of men and women; and over every building and
home was a big, beautiful banner."
"What did the banner say?"
"I don't know," answered the
President, "I can't read Hebrew."
(If you have any good
left-Handed jokes, please send them in by email
If appropriate, we will publish them and give you credit for submissions.)